My friends’ say about me

1. Perfectionist. A former co-worker once told me I am a perfectionist when I asked him about how he thinks about me. It was my first time to hear such comment though I have an idea that somebody must be thinking this way about me. At first, I was not at all affected but when this word has been repeatedly said, I felt like I really have to do something about it or else people who I am working with or will be working with will be aloof with me.

As initial step, I did some some assesment. Why do they think this way about me. I recalled Jessie who first gave me this comment. He said that I always want things done perfectly that I always comment even to simple details. Maybe he is right. But in some points I also have to consider my standard for myself. I mean, I can be a little bit forgiving to other people but I believe I should always aim for excellence in my works. 

 2. Strong and courageous. Thelma and Jessie, former co-workers, commended me with these two words. I was not sure about this before especially that one of the reasons why I left my former job was because of some fears. But they have convinced me that they really see me as a strong and courageous person through their notes in facebook.It just feels so good and encouraging hearing such comments during times of disappointment and here comes these people I have worked with telling me I am strong. I knew I was strong before but when  time came that I really have to back off, I already started doubting myself’s strength.

 3.  Strict. Well I don’t know how many people believe I am a strict person. Maybe many… but the person who had the guts to tell me this was my driving instructor. What was just funny was before the beginning of our driving session, he told me to pardon him sometimes because he is quite strict in teaching.Howqever, at the end of my driving lesson, he told me that I am the one who is strict. Whew! What a remark spoken by a teacher to a student! Anyways, I know I am especially with appointments and time. I have less patience in waiting for people.

Dagiti Tugot iti dana ti biag…

Dear manang remy,

Awagan dak latta koma iti Pacilitator. Maysaak nga taga Kalahi landia nga naibaon nga umay ditoy Kabugao, Apayao. Bulan ti Mayo idi umuna nga makabaddek kami kadagiti innem nga kakadwak ditoy nga lugar. Awan pulos idi ti am-ammo mi ditoy Kabugao ngem imay kami latta nakigasanggasat, mangnamnama nga makatulong kami kadagiti nakukurapay nga barbaranggay babaen iti panangipadanun kadagiti tulong ti gobyerno tayo ken dagiti adaan nasayaat nga puso nga nangiabot iti tulong panasyal da.

Makuna nga nagasat kami ta nasayaat met ti panangpasangbay ti LGU kanyami. Inikkan dakami iti nasayaat nga pagyanan nga isu metten ti nagbalin nga opisina mi iti las-ud ti duwa nga bulan. Maysa bulan ti napalabas idi manayunan kami iti maysa nga kadwa mi nga inpatulod ti Kalahi Landia. Nasayaaten koma nga pagyanan mi ta malaksid nga addaan kami it privacy, libre pay ti panagyan mi. Isu na laeng ta adayu kami iti centro ket nu ada transaction mi idiay, marigatan kami ta awan met lugan mi. Isu’t gapu na nga nagrequest kami ti opisina ditoy centro. Grupo grupo kami metten nga nagbiruk iti pagyanan mi. Agkakadwa dagiti uppat nga lallaki, sabali met nga balay ti duwa nga kadwa mi ken duwa kemi met ken Florence nga immun-una nga naam-amuk sakbay iti Kalahi Landia.

Dakkel gayam nga karit ti naidistinuan mi ta saan nga nalaka ti mapan dumanun kadagiti barbaryo. Dagiti tarigagay mi nga aramiden ken saan gayam nga basta basta nga maisayangkat ti plano. Naidumduma nga makuna ditoy ta ti makuna nga dalan wenno kalsada ket karayan. Awan gamin ti nasayaat nga dalan nga dumanun kadagiti kaadwan nga baryo isu nga bangka ken pinangnaan latta ti ikasta nga dumanun. Maysa pay nga rigat na ket kanayon ti tudo ket nu kastoy, narigat metten ti bumallasiw ta dakkel unay ken nalawa ti karayan. Ngem uray kaskasatnu, nabalinan mi met nga naaramid dagiti trabaho mi babaen iti tulong dagiti partners mi nga taga-LGU. Nu man pay adda dagiti saan nga pagkikinaawatan gapu ket ngarud ta addu ti nagdudumaan, napagbaliugian mi met dagiti parikot nga simangbay. Nu maipanggep met iti trabaho, nu man pay saan nga perfect ti pannakaaramid na, gagangay met siguro ta umuna ket ngarud nga panakaiimplement na. Agadal tayo kadagiti kapadasan tayo. Iti personal nga kapadasak, adu met dagiti naadal ko nga saan ko pay nga napadpadasan kadagiti immune nga nagtrabahuak. Napadasak metten ti nagsangit gapu iti unget nga saan nga mairuwar. Ta a kas Pacilitator, saan nga rumbeng nga agpakita iti saan nga um-umno nga garaw. Adda met dagiti tiyempo nga kasapulan nga ilisi dagiti prinsipyo tapnu laeng mapasurot dagiti kliyente nga makitrabaho iti misyon tayo. Ti rigat na, saan da nga makita dagiyay nga sacripisyo. Siyempre dagitoy ket sumagmamano lang kadagiti padpadas tayo, adda met a dagiti nararagsak nga pakalaglagipan tayo. Makunak nga nagasatak nga naka-am-amu kadagiti tao nga nangipakita ti kinaimbag da. Dagiti nakitugaw ken nakais-istorya, dagiti nangkadwa iti panagpasyar iti sitios, dagiti nangibalballasiw ken nagibangbangka idiay karayan ken inayon tayo met dagiyay nangisagsagana iti makan. Salamat iti pinangpasangbay da ngem napinpintas koma nu anya latta ti madanun nga adda ket isu koman ti ited da. Nasakit gamin met lang iti rikna nu sobsobra ti itted da nga imbes nga dakami koma ti mangted. Isu ti maysa nga gapu nga nu mamingsan ket alanganin kami nga dumanun kadagiti balbalay ngem anya ngay garud ket trabaho mi ti mangpasyar iti tattao. Ti inar-aramid mi garud ket naggatgatang kami kadagiti groceries nga mabalin met nga ibati mi kadagiti madanunan mi ngem kaskasdi, tagidaksen met ti dadduma.

Attidog sametten daytoy surat ko manang remy isu nga sakbay nga mauma dagiti agbasbasa, iaramidan tayon iti conclusyon na. Maikapito nga bulan mi ditoyen ket umisu metten ti panaglippas ti tawen, isu met ti pannakalpas ti contrata mi iti Kalahi landia. Daytoy maud-udi ng aldaw ket nagpaayab da idiay ngato tapnu maamwan nu sino dagiti agtuloy ditoy Kabugao. No siasino da, diyo koma liwliwayan ti mangbasa iti sumaruno nga passet daytoy nga surat ko.

Toy nagsurat,

Pacilitator

Where are the gentlemen?

I thought things can be easier because I am with men who can protect and at least assist me in my weaknesses as a woman. I thought it is already a basic practice for men to give a hand to women even without being asked. I was wrong, many men are not that dependable as I supposed.

It was a privilege to be hired as a Community Facilitator of a project of the government. I was assigned in in one of the municipality of the province of Apayao together with other co-workers not less than five. Knowing that we have at least three male companions to work in the area, I was delighted because I feel the need of males when going to a completely strange place. My fears seemed to have eased off.

However, after a month of working with them, I fell disappointed in knowing that they cannot be depended on. As strangers in the place, we don’t have any other people to trust except our colleagues. We came here as a team and we are supposed to be taking care of each other because we have no other people whom we can depend on. Though, it is really disappointing that the only people we can trust cannot protect us. We can let go of the unhelpfulness they have shown us during the times when we needed help in carrying our heavy bags. What hurts me so much is that they can leave us in an unsecure situation. They are moving in to their new found boarding house while we will be left in our quarter which is a 30 minutes hike away from the office. There’s only the two of us, both female, who will be left in the quarter. I can’t imagine how they can contain to leave us in this situation. I want to cry in disappointment.

I tried to asses if we have expected too much from them but I know we did just expect what is basic to be practiced by men in our region. We are not those women who demands assistance in everything. In fact, we are not comfortable of asking unnecessary help because we appreciate volunteerism. But with what they have been showing us, we were left with no choice but to direct them to carry something when we cannot wait for them to do it. After all, it is awkward to see women carrying baggage men are lux holding nothing. I can’t help but think of this: awan pay tartaraki da met. Imbag pay ti daduma ta umisakit da…

Tracing the root of my distress

Just recently, everything just seems wrong to me. I can’t even figure out which really is not well with me but I pretended I was alright. It won’t do any good anyway if I show what I really feel and how I’m doing inside.I’m just thankful that I can be myself when I am alone in my room. I would always ask God so many whys… How long will I stay this way… and so on.

 Just this evening, I was wondering if I will go on a prayer meeting. I just sat down and suddenly the thought of reading James 3:16 came into my mind. It reads:

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

From this verse I strongly believe it was God speaking to me at that moment so I stood up and decided to go to church. Thank God for there, He continued speaking to me through the message shared. The exhorter’s stike through my heart with these words. “Remember, God is not our servant. We are His servant.” Exactly, I became so down, frustrated because I keep on insisting my will to God. I can’t wait for the appointed time so I suffered. I forgot that with the way I acted, I almost dictated what God must do. 

My prayer today is that may God show me what to do as I wait for His appointed to for the things I am asking Him.

This is life

We live not to stay comfortable but to face every challenge that comes our way. He who loves to stay comfortable and stagnant is a fool and sluggard.

Introducing to you my hometown—MAYOYAO, IFUGAO

Many times people ask me the question “tagaanu ka?” (From where are you?) And everytime I am asked with this question, I always feel hestitant to say I am from Mayoyao, Ifugao. Don’t get me wrong— I am not ashamed of my hometown. I AM PROUD TO BE AN E-majawjaw. I am just ashamed to say that I am from there because when questions follow about our culture, I cannot give a good description. I was only eight when I left our place. Then we just go home when there are special family gathering. With my limited background about my hometown, I can hardly make a description verbally. But maybe I can make a try with my blog.

 The photographs below were taken in our place.I wish I can describe each photo properly, but in case there are corrections, please notify me right away.

This, the pyramid-shaped, is our very own native house. It has four posts that elevated the house with about 4 ft above the gound. My mother once told me that the reason why it was designed that way was to secure the house from wild animals that may attack them.

   This is how we butcher pigs when there are occasions or big gatherings. These photos were taken on July 2009 at our front yard.

While the meat is being cooked, some folks are working with the stick that we use in preparing theshare of each individual present in the gathering. The right photo is the meat we distribute to the people. together with rice. This set-up is usually done during wake or burial. The meat is cooked with just plain salt. 

Applying my simple photography skills

Gossiping

“We are living with many gossipers but we can make a difference by simply keeping quiet so as not participate.”

-Aginaya-

Comfort Zone

“Don’t intend to always stay in your comfort zone. You’ll only get frustrated becausewe are living in a changing world. Just learn to go with the flow of change so that you will not be forced. Take not that it hurts more when we are being forced.”

—Aginaya—

Turning to a new page of life

Hello! It’s been a long time since I have not posted in his blog. I have so many things to write but I just can’t find the words to express what I feel. I just landed on a new job in a new environment last February. Though I am not new to research works, I sometimes feel misplaced because the company’s industry  is microfinance. What do I know about microfinance if I am to relate it to my baccalaureate deagree. But I believe that I am here for a purpose. The research focus of our company is on poverty alleviation so I am putting in my system that I am for this job since it has been in my heart and will always be in my heart to help in poverty alleviation. I just thank God for this opporunity to help through research.

My first month in the company was my adjustment period - Observing everything: the people, the environment, and everything in it. I’m just thankful for the people who welcomed me right away even in my very first day of work. They made me feel that I am not any different person. Thank you ma’am lily, my boss; ma’am marie and sir jules. You’re are such a blessing to me and somehow a source of strength in times I feel I am alone especially you, ma’am marie. Age difference did not restrain you from making friend to a youner one like me.

I haven’t yet gone out for a field work but I am expecting to visit our 14 branches in April. A part of me is exited because this is gonna be a great adventure since I will be going out alone! However a part of me is somewhat afraid because I have no one to depend on.- not even a driver or vehicle with me. I used to be provided with such services in my past job but anyway, gone are those days. I must face this fear because it’s an opportunity to overcome it and it is only now or never.

 Well, this is only what I have to say for now. Hope I will find some time to post more in the following day. Hope I really will because this is one of my outlets. My friend is away now and I find blogging as one way to express things that I can’t just tell to anybody. God bless everyone!!!

internship

INTERNSHIP IN BONTOC